Lately, I've begun to think about this account and the art I have submitted to it. It's been a long time since I've uploaded anything and I've never been active in the community. Some people might be content to let their account collect dust rather than lay it to rest properly. I am not one of those people. It just feels wrong to have created this little page for myself and then to abandon it without saying anything.
I'm not quite sure of what I expected to get out of joining Deviant Art over seven years ago. I think I just wanted someone beyond my immediate family to see my art and acknowledge it in some way. I do recall the handful of times I logged in to see a comment or favorite and the warm fuzzy feeling that followed.
It's hard to say when but, at some point, I became more interested in making art to post here than as art for the sake of art. The simple childish joy of photographing desert flowers in Joshua Tree Park shifted to a need for attention, for acknowledgement. I became more concerned with what people on the internet would think of my work rather than what I though of it.
I can't remember the last time I worked on something for my own enjoyment without planning on presenting it to the world, titling it, coming up with a unique artist statement. The last time I even went on a shoot was almost two years ago. I can't help but worry that I've lost any desire or patience to make art. Strange, considering that I originally intended to go to college to study art.
I won't delete my account, simply because of the handful of favorites I have received. Who knows? Maybe one day that person will scroll through their favorites and see that one has been removed. They probably won't even be able to remember it but they will definitely wonder what it was. I wish for them to avoid that little moment of sadness. The same goes for any work with a comment on it. Deleting it would seem an insult to the commenter somehow. I will simply delete anything that I was never really proud of and things I submitted just so they could be seen.
Maybe someday I will pick up my camera again or mess around in photoshop a bit. I've been struck with creative urges before, after all. But, if that happens, I think I'll keep the result for myself. My art needs to be for myself, first and foremost.